A passing thought as a social critic

I think it is interesting how cult-like organizations form around brands

The cult reference isn't good cause that word stirs controversy where I'd like to see objectivity

When thinking about things like consumer loyalty

It fascinates the part of me that is interested in human behavior

The Shelling is Relentless Regardless of Evasive Measures

I turn around
see that once was sound
my fortress
is now
in little scattered shambles
all in a row
leading off to heaven knows where
north of here
somewhere allegedly near the Capital

the stark, blasted flat-out unreality of it all is
the tricky part
striking me silly
somewhere
spinning me
blindfolded
I have my tail
my pin
but the donkey has fled
due...
out of here

The Strangest Secret Earl Nightingale Conant 1950's Origional FULL 31:35 Min.

(Talk to me some more, You know that you don't have to go)

Empty Picture Frame

I have invisible friends now

2 of them

They are my friends

But their ethereal composition

Is like a chocolate cake

On a too high shelf

I can see them

Taste them

Hear them feel them

I beseech

But I just can't reach

...what i notice...

peeking out saying hello reminding me and myself of my

higher-ness

by the way

I am spewing forth & churning with new notions and noticing many
what-knots

and such. I don't know maybe this is what makes me so
l
e
t
h
a
r
g
I

c

yes wretched lethargy
curse its hide
it sucks that I am all withdrawn and catatonic

I feel like I need 3 months notice

A Lead Burka

A cinder block enclosure with lots of peep holes

And plenty of druggage even beginning to be comfortable

socializing

all these things in ordinary life

my stress intolerance

shuts me down

I remember high mind high mind high mind

my mantra

I am feeling all

weird and tired

I am thinking about asking someone

to come over here slap me

the torment of unrest

this chemical malfunction
this neurosis
this mental malady
this craziness
this black dog
causes me so much undue pain
i feel it so deeply
sometimes i really worry
i worry about my heart exploding
broken heart pain is real
and sometimes my head feels like
it wants to explode too
like an aneurysm
this seizure of feeling
wears me threadbare
and my best friend is my bed

that's funny

I try to get through to life
it gives me the silent treatment
but still it refuses to change its phone number

Can you double up on the tetrahydrozoline please?

And then she finds this hive is very different from hers
She's been swept up in an anomalous vortex
Very rogue in kind
Sending her to a place with 10x more activity
Than she's used to
If she closes her eyes
She can understand
But
The teacher yells at her
Making an example of her
When she does

A Short Yet Powerful Clip on Freedom, Personal Protection, Tyranny & The Second Amendment

Finding Yourself Immersed in Time

The Global Brain-Peter Russell

No judgment

Everything in life holds both a blessing and a curse. We deny this when we label the events of our lives as either good or bad. The following old Zen story illustrates this lesson most effectively.

A farmer had a horse but one day, the horse ran away and so the farmer and his son had to plow their fields themselves. Their neighbors said, "Oh, what bad luck that your horse ran away!" But the farmer replied, "Bad luck, good luck, who knows?"

The next week, the horse returned to the farm, bringing a herd of wild horses with him. "What wonderful luck!" cried the neighbors, but the farmer responded, "Good luck, bad luck, who knows?"

Then, the farmer's son was thrown as he tried to ride one of the wild horses, and he broke his leg. "Ah, such bad luck," sympathized the neighbors. Once again, the farmer responded, "Bad luck, good luck, who knows?"

A short time later, the ruler of the country recruited all young men to join his army for battle. The son, with his broken leg, was left at home. "What good luck that your son was not forced into battle!" celebrated the neighbors. And the farmer remarked, "Good luck, bad luck, who knows?"

"Do not judge, and you will never be mistaken."

-- Jean Jacques Rousseau

Convolusion in Thought

this sadness
in this departure
has me lost in seven
seas of grief

i cry but i don't know why
is it because
you are going away ?

or is it that I am addicted
to intense emotions and using
this reason as catalyst
to this deep despair?

Self absorbed and in toward

I hope this day is just extra bad by itself

Sometimes it is that way

a day

will be

torturously

tiresome

I know I am out of balance

I need to know where it lies

and make adjustments

But I can't seem to get the proper reception

My feelers don't know which way to tune

Rescue One Another

Saray had the kind of way in which she would automatically want to intervene whenever she found her self in or near human people in conflict.

One time comes to mind when at work. A couple of colleagues were having it out over some misunderstanding and were starting to get a bit loud and hostile. Saray sticks her thoughts in edge wise and says, "Fellas 'cuse me if I may, I'd like to ask if I might help mediate your dilemma. I am studying the art of diplomacy and this would be great practice for my lessons".

Both of them looked at her dumbstruck and sideways at first but then agreed to let her have a go with her techniques.

Amazingly she pulled it off.

She did and wowed the bit of crowed since gathered by the ruckus.

I was quite impressed with her.

She really came to the rescue with her social first aid kit and kindness.

:)

Kissing Jupiter from the Tastebuds of a Ladybug in Lava

But I think by failing to view things from even the silliest of vantage points we limit our potential and ourselves.

the fact that you are unavailable has its draw

most certain
but that is just one
of several
zebra-zillion
stripes about you

I Declare And Dedicate One Year To The Full Expression Of My Magical Thinking

I choose to indulge in and express all

that I imagine to be real

the expression will be of course based in unreality

But that does not stop me from reaping the great rewards of

The psuedo states of Bliss found

None The Less

No, Nonetheless

eyes on the moment

The days have been so beautiful
I would love to hit one from the gate

I have been doing a lot of brain work
you could say

I was prompted to do some writing on

the subject from some reading of the same

I practically felt my neural networks

pulling my thoughts along my investigation

One thing leading to another to another to another

Along comes infinity

I saw how all thought is one thought

As in, I have been thinking since I first noticed
and I still am

This entry is for the purposes of therapeutic catharsism

and really shouldn't be read if you are apt to shades of blue...

I have multi-trauma junk stuck way far back from my brain stem to my tortured neo-cortex

This causes a huge interference with the electrical circuitry in my cells

Especially in the command center

My goal is to rewire me

I love the idea of positive thinking and

the realization that what you focus on becomes your life

I think of those ideas when I have up moods

The traumas I endured

Lasted for way too many years

And I got to the point where I really

really really really

wanted to be dead

The thought of my demise was an obsession

As in I thought about it constantly

Not wanting to die of course

I was just so tired tired tired

of those haunting images

The relentlessness of it all

The only way I could see to make it

Stop was to go to sleep and never wake up again

Cause being nothing would be

At least relief

UPDATE:

I'm feeling much better now

My Personality Hurts But I'm Glad You're Still Listening

I apologize if I am acting silly and maybe a little odd
I don't mean to call you Tyler-Cakes
And I don't mean to tell you I've changed the way I make my y's when I spell out your name
And I also don't mean anything by my big smiles
Except to say
While it's really true that I do love you
It's only because I liked you first
And now that I love you
I like you even more

(this is a poem to my therapist to whom I walk a path of transference with)

Breakfast with Therapy

When I first started treatment for my depression I included from the start therapeutic one on one counseling with a professional trained in the field. This person is of unique perspective and invaluable service providing a mirror into myself that I didn't know was possible.

Ninety minutes, once a week, for a full year I went to see him. I bled my heart out with him and shed so much misery as he reflected the goodness that was in everything I experienced. Everything that had me on this path to madness.

I must emphasize that the therapy we did was very intense. And not only just for me.

I had to relive so much in that office. So much including complex trauma from being a victim of a horrible crime. A crime you'd kill for if it happened to your mother.

I'd leave his office in an absolute total dissociative fugue. An unbelievable otherworldly state. I'd have to walk around the campus for an hour to compose myself before I could drive. Often finding a secluded place to purge myself of so much misery...heartbreak flowing from my soul through so many tears

One day I was trying to shake this yuck off of me. This awful black cloud. I starting thinking about funny things. Just random stuff that never fails to make me laugh. The sort of stuff that pops in your head out of nowhere. Like in the grocery store line, forcing your face to turn red as you try and stifle your laughter. Then I started thinking. I wonder what Dr Dear does to decompress? After all he's not a robot. He must have received some sort of training to shield himself from the horrible stories spewing from my mouth. Then I started laughing. All I could imagine was my Dr. scrubbing himself down in his office, but with what? What would he use? And that's when I thought...I know he's using cocoa puffs! out of his lunch box! Ritually cleansing his face of the residue of my sorrow...

How Can I fix My Brain When I'm Trying To Fix My Brain With A Brain That Needs Fixing?

Jack said: I think I figured out what the deal is MJ. I think I know how to approach this burning topic. I think the whole crux of it rests on the fact that I've just seen, been witness to, experienced, tasted an over abundance of soul shaking human carnage.

MJ Jones: Well you were/are a warrior is that not true? And how many campaigns was that? across the years? Through endless fields of tears? pretending you were invulnerable and above it all?

Jack: I see. Certainly I must have been averse to it from the onslaught, the start, from the very beginning of things. I see I did what I had to do to survive. Hey MJ, ... guess what?

MJ Jones: What's that Jack?

Jack: I just noticed something else

MJ Jones: ?

Jack: I'm still alive...

Comrades In Arms

I am awfully depressed and do suffer terribly with sadness, so much pain something fierce

you know the feeling

which means you know the feeling
and that means
you relate
and i relate

we are here to show our comrades great things, comrade

bring out the best in each other, one another

it's my aim even during spells of madness