How could you do a thing like that? I thought you were my friend, I thought you were my friend...

i am with every stone i turn on this cobblestone path uncovering more and more errors
in the way i think and just exactly how deep some of it runs

cognitive errors
errors in thinking with roots that have woven themselves into the fabric of my personality
my very self

it is so scary to see these things
face them
and know that they have been a part of me for all my history

it is a frightening thing
so many of the stones I turn over have
Pandora's ugly bugs beneath them

You Are Who?

potential portals chase my rhyme

they thaw the constraints found in time

a bridge so dark from foggy days

please blow to clear that blinding haze

lift to light

a dark made stark

super-glue my shattered heart

who are you to outshine the sun?

who are you?

sent by what one?

who are you the other side of the blaze?

who gave you the right to

shatter my daze?

He Is Made Of Myth

This hero with a thousand graces

A guru

To look up to

Smiling at me from across

A stretch between two moments

Became a divine vision

A holy dream

Who is it I may lay

This mistaken identity on?

No uncertainty

Only

A legend

7 feet tall!

Will do

so much is so mysterious...

maybe we are beings from another dimension and the way we get high is to take
a magical compound that immerses us into the earth realm...
here
and we see each other in fantastic light
where otherwise we wouldn't

...what i notice...

peeking out saying hello reminding me and myself of my

higher-ness

by the way

I am spewing forth & churning with new notions and noticing many
what-knots

and such. I don't know maybe this is what makes me so
l
e
t
h
a
r
g
I

c

yes wretched lethargy
curse its hide
it sucks that I am all withdrawn and catatonic

I feel like I need 3 months notice

A Lead Burka

A cinder block enclosure with lots of peep holes

And plenty of druggage even beginning to be comfortable

socializing

all these things in ordinary life

my stress intolerance

shuts me down

I remember high mind high mind high mind

my mantra

I am feeling all

weird and tired

I am thinking about asking someone

to come over here slap me

the torment of unrest

this chemical malfunction
this neurosis
this mental malady
this craziness
this black dog
causes me so much undue pain
i feel it so deeply
sometimes i really worry
i worry about my heart exploding
broken heart pain is real
and sometimes my head feels like
it wants to explode too
like an aneurysm
this seizure of feeling
wears me threadbare
and my best friend is my bed

that's funny

I try to get through to life
it gives me the silent treatment
but still it refuses to change its phone number

Checking each other out bouncing ideas off one another all the while I get brighter and brighter blue-prints

The cat has got my tongue my telephones tongue too

My other

Cat has the rest of us asimmer in witches brew

It is kind of like being in a state

that is of great enjoyment euphoric in a big stick, summer day kind of way

One that you do not want interupt anytime soon

The Dark Path of a Reclusive Black Widow

In Her Mourning Gown
Brown Mascara running down

Leading to the way

From now On

Past Toys
Beyond Boys

The swell of tears
Brought Her here



Often Death marks a Turning Point
In One's Life

I'll keep my cigarettes and air conditioning though

Orphan Doomed to be a Perpetual Child

I have no inner guidance system
No outer guidance system
So in my childish mind I start seeking out patterns
Like stepping stones in the outer world to cling to
To navigate with
I am a rudderless wandering
Compass less wonderer

My inner guidance system is
That tiny little voice that says
You know I know the way
Why you don't tune into me more
I can't understand

Good Citizen Goodie MoonDrop

For my therapeutic assignment I am to leave my place of seclusion called home and go to the library.

At the library I am to interact with the librarian inquiring as to her services as a research assistant.

Instead my head is telling me to stay in bed and do nothing but sleep my life away.

Away from this self imposed treachery present in each one of my steps.

The temptation is strong to escape to dream land

Very strong, attractive, luring

And then so says the reasoning part of me

No. let's not do nothing, let's do something

Anything but nothing

So here I am blogging apropos of nothing

Very apropos toward my greater good

Now off to my domestic responsibility

You've Attained God Like Status in My Eyes

through time coming and going

I visualize you waiting for me

tainted with impossible roses

posing like my lover

my mother

my cat my sister my brother

visions of your eyes gazing

back at mine

back at mine

seduce me

i see you walking to me

walking in the moonlight

to me

walking to me

Squeaks, Chirps, Caws and General Freak Noises

Why is it when I think of a "marshmallow factory" I sense an onslaught of a potential existential crisis arising? Is it because I'm just bent that way? You know... inclined toward becoming cross-eyed, catatonic and ungrounded over such things?

I guess it's really not the marshmallow factory as much as it is imagining the place, the people, the product.

There is definitely a lot tied to these jet-puffed confections...

Letters A Thousand Feet High

I am surely saddened over my therapeutic relationship with my Dr coming to a close
It is amazing to me the way I am affected by it
I have never felt these things before and I say my goodness are they not anything but huge
Being that they are so big they come with much knowledge and experience to aid me as I negotiate my way across this wild plain

I really feel truly graced in knowing that I am a student worthy of such a teacher

I think the thing that makes it especially hard to say goodbye to this teacher is that I cannot imagine finding another to even come close in comparison to him

He is surely an otherworldly creature and to encounter one as such is a one in a billion chance

I mean how lucky could I be to rate so well again?

Such are my thoughts, and fears and anguishes

I do really good when I remember to not believe everything that I think

I found my last Fridays' visit with Dr to be a very soothing and satisfying as well as revealing as always

I look and see a depth in his eyes that is peerless in description
I see a place in there that feels more like home than home does
I rest there as I never have in my life
finding solace and sanctuary unparalleled and thrice unimagined on this fiercesome mortal coil

It is virtually impossible for me to become ground
As a matter of fact the week prior has left me so tired as trying to function when you cannot feel anything, especially the ground is exhausting

I don't want to face the reality of the pain that is encased in this parting

And this time the dissociative state is especially tempestuous
It is relentless in its many charms and in fact has me laced up in pleasures I had no prior taste of

Having me to wonder, what else does this siren have up her bottomless sieve?

With the effort of the kings army I respond to my Drs coaxing and I am back from the place of artificial escape

But it could not be so I realize, without my doctor and I feel the pain of reality trying to draw me back up out and away again
It is a great effort but I manage to stay 77 percent there
Holding on to that gaze of his like a life raft

Why do you want to leave so bad Moondrop?
Cause Dr I am in a state of grief so big to block the sun
He says is it because our therapy will soon end ?
And to that I say yes I grieve for you
I will miss you so much
Gosh I feel it now
The temptation to escape is maddening in its seductivity

In my illusions of delusion he comes to me right now
There he is in my house looking into my eyes
He reaches out and I easily feel his encouraging hand
He says, do not fall asleep Moondrop, come on, and let’s go
And I do, I hold his hand cause I know he knows the way

The first words beyond that of the obligatory type

have yet to affect me as completely as they have the potential to and we exchanged so many bright ideas I'll be here contemplating you till the cow jumps over the moon...

I Learn So Much About How My Origins Affect Me

PsychPage..

A Child Stuck in a Grown-ups Body

I have so much to realize
To study
To come to grips with
To own

I am alone
Mainly because I am so ashamed and embarrassed
To be
A Child Stuck in a Grown-ups Body
I am alone

Literally Everything by Abigale Rising

I search out patterns

All the time

What am I looking for

I have to know

Or at least have some sort of idea

I feel like a question mark

Constantly hanging on to the

End of what I think is real

Since I am here for the duration having signed up for the bonus package...

I should like to permanently be rid of this black cloud of a shroud I'm engulfed in since it feels as though I've escaped its clutches for this moment

How much time do I have having escaped? I've sidestepped that chronic state of mind, breathing in clean gulps of elucidating data

It isn't a rare occurrence, this bit of awakening. Or should I say, this type of emergence. It is of one type that I find myself in, and in doing so I think I'd like to spend these particular moments on vacation.

Minessa's Travels Through a Town Called Tyler

I get the feeling that I am at least one thousand one hundred and one one-hundredth of a thousand steps ahead of the game

I ask again just how many steps I am ahead of this game?

I can be the shiniest thing in sight

I am surprised a giant crow hasn't scooped me up

And added me to his goody cache of shiny things

The Contemplating of Knowledge

I feel it is my duty, my responsibility as a person to learn all I can about everything I can.
As if it is somehow incumbent upon me
To contribute what I learn
To all
Of Humanity