My Personality Hurts But I'm Glad You're Still Listening

I apologize if I am acting silly and maybe a little odd
I don't mean to call you Tyler-Cakes
And I don't mean to tell you I've changed the way I make my y's when I spell out your name
And I also don't mean anything by my big smiles
Except to say
While it's really true that I do love you
It's only because I liked you first
And now that I love you
I like you even more

(this is a poem to my therapist to whom I walk a path of transference with)

How Can I fix My Brain When I'm Trying To Fix My Brain With A Brain That Needs Fixing?

Jack said: I think I figured out what the deal is MJ. I think I know how to approach this burning topic. I think the whole crux of it rests on the fact that I've just seen, been witness to, experienced, tasted an over abundance of soul shaking human carnage.

MJ Jones: Well you were/are a warrior is that not true? And how many campaigns was that? across the years? Through endless fields of tears? pretending you were invulnerable and above it all?

Jack: I see. Certainly I must have been averse to it from the onslaught, the start, from the very beginning of things. I see I did what I had to do to survive. Hey MJ, ... guess what?

MJ Jones: What's that Jack?

Jack: I just noticed something else

MJ Jones: ?

Jack: I'm still alive...

Comrades In Arms

I am awfully depressed and do suffer terribly with sadness, so much pain something fierce

you know the feeling

which means you know the feeling
and that means
you relate
and i relate

we are here to show our comrades great things, comrade

bring out the best in each other, one another

it's my aim even during spells of madness

Momentous moments with more moments in between

My emotions trick me

they are the neurotic

but because they come in the form of emotion

when they strike me, i pay attention

as if they somehow are representing something urgent

an emergency

to be so keyed up this way

has to mean

something

something like

something must be wrong

what that something is

is anyone's guess

existential existence

i'm in my perch my loft doing some stretches and such
i look across the room and see my fossilized trilobite
sitting there
like fossils do
it is an extraordinary thing this fossil
it is more than likely 50 billion years old
that really should be an awe inspiring fact
but some how it isn't i just accept it
like 50 billion years ago is no big deal

Stream of Consciousness Writing

Okay, here is something all weird and funky you might wanna hear. Once I went to the movies with my bro Wilhelm. It was a Tuesday matinee for a Star Trek movie. No one was there, well not many of us. Anyway, you’re walking into the theatre with your popcorn and soda. You scan quickly for a seat. Right in the middle of my seat scanning my eyes come to an immediate halt…. Errrrrrrrrr! Or what ever tire screeching sounds like when sliding. What was it that drew my attention so hard and sharply? Tune in next week and ‘Ill tell you all about it… No really, right there in the middle of the theater sat a patron and this patron was not your ordinary patron no… no no no this patron was special. Not only was he sitting there alone in the middle of the theatre, with a big, shaven head, he was sitting there with red sequined DEVIL HORNS crowning is shinny dome! Me and Wil immediately see this and we both look at each other like dumb and dumber holding back our laughter, to the kind of tune you make when your about to pop. We totally wanted to crack up. I think I will leave here and come back as another person. I see this page is just loaded with red marks like a Polluck painting. Condescending little red marks all over the place; as if word perfect is my Nazi schoolmarm and each and every mistake I make is caught immediately and hauled off and stamped with with a scarlet letter. So anyway I will ignore that… oh damn it has been seven minutes. I think I will go past the 10 minutes. I really want to as this is so fun… it really is, which brings me to the not so fun, referring to this morning. I wake and I see that it is the day light hour the first thing that pops in my head was something from a dream, and it said fruits, vegetables and intellectuals. I’m like hey that sounds pretty clever, I need to write that down. So I thought about writing it down and then I said to my self, in a minute in a minute…it needs to soak a little in the sink… mm hmm, like I am just resting my eyes… Again, I think to myself, hey I need to write that down and 2 hours later I have. It has been 10 minutes. Now I will save this again, “Control Ess” is the keyboard shortcut. Keyboard shortcuts are very helpful and useful for me. Okay, you wanna hear something funny? The whole time I have been typing this, I myself have been brazenly sporting horns, red sequined devil horns. The End.