Chemical Sensitivities

I am beginning to suspect that I experience adverse reactions to the chemicals associated with the effects of experiencing love

It's a silly/nice metaphor and such, but all jesters aside I believe I just might have a hypersensitivity

And I think I just might be on to something

I will surely find out more about this while studying physiology

One's things for certain though, nothing else has gotten me as high as love has

Dear Universe, Thanks for helping me get smarter, but sheesh already,

Do you have to insist on being such a heartless tyrant?

Your lessons although priceless and brilliant are relentless in their level of difficulty and since I have earned quite a bit of seniority on the scene, I feel it is high time you re-visit your lesson plan

You've got my attention you know





You can stop yelling at me now

"Death Needs Time For What It Kills To Grow In"

The Wallpaper Project

Seasonal Colors

The thought of yellow..
The thought of yellow in the spring this time of year...
Yellow is so refreshing, bright and wholesome

Some things come to mind:

A clean and crisp yellow sheet drying in the breeze

A refreshing glass of ice cold lemonade

Light filtering through sheer yellow drapes

A mustard flower field

A yellow checkered sundress

and last

yellow jello (=

From the Obssession Files

The word "Chicago" has been haunting me for months
i know now that i've noticed it, i'll notice it more, and more and more...

it is so weird it tries to mean like it means something

flippin' weird

am I bats yet? LoL

I feel sorry for the whole world when someone dies like that. It means we all failed.

Her best friend's mom committed suicide

I can only imagine the horror that the mom must have been going through

That kind of thing echoes through the generations

leaving the left behind

feeling so left behind

Quanitfying what the feelings are with words to aid in understanding

The clues are so cryptic
heiroglyphic


Everywhere i go
the background or ambient noise
starts to organize
and next i'm hearing
all sorts of forms of symphony from
any continent out there
it is so imaginative
this music is so diverse

Composed of
the rain mixed with the computer hmmm
then the cars going by
the refridgerator
they all play
so melodious through
the true eye

The increase of my medicine
factors greatly

Is True Objectivity Possible?

Since the measuring device has been constructed by the observer...
we have to remember that what we observe is not nature in itself,
but nature exposed to our method of questioning. -

Werner Karl Heisenberg (1901-1976)

Try This...It's a Consciousness Exercise

It Grows New Brain Cells...

Ask yourself how you came to think of this question...?

Sit there in your chair and ask yourself how did I come to this question? Keep answering yourself for 15 minutes...

It'll go a little something like this...

Well I'm asking myself this question because, that moondrop woman blogged about it. I blog because I am into writing and blogging is something I learned about from my computer via the internet. I got my computer at a place called Datel and while there I ran into my classmate from Iceland. He's just getting back from visiting his family there and told me the fishing was great...


Get the idea? try it. Do it. Don't worry about time limits. It's really engaging and fun. And it counts as meditating too.

Momentum of Resistance

I can see through all of it
Just like air through air
Hurry asteroid!
The Planet is Hell
Run by Bastards

Time acts as space does when distancing oneself from a delusion

It is circular in this action

orbiting away

in an upward whirlpool

Momentous moments with more moments in between

My emotions trick me

they are the neurotic

but because they come in the form of emotion

when they strike me, i pay attention

as if they somehow are representing something urgent

an emergency

to be so keyed up this way

has to mean

something

something like

something must be wrong

what that something is

is anyone's guess

Waking Life (a great movie)

Divert the Subliminal Messages

The Day I Tickled My Hippocampus

I am studying neurophysiology. I am learning much about the physical structure of, namely, the brain...
All of its hemispheres, components, systems, failures, diseases, malfunctions, etc.

I know all too good and well that my brain has some sort of organic malady. And through my studies I have learned that the area most likely to be affected in a brain such as mine will be the limbic system. And of that system, the amygdala and the hippocampus will have taken the hardest hits. One is hyperactive when it should be mellow, and the other is just the opposite. That's putting it really really basically.

I know what the limbic structure looks like. I've seen it in MRIs, CT scans, drawings, paintings, computer generated, animated images, autopsy photos...everything but, ummm, in the flesh...

I am really game to try anything, really what ever it takes to sooth my psychological unrest. I start imaginging my very own limbic system, and how it's stressed, and ailing, and tired. I start sort of empathising with its condition, trying to figure out ways to make it feel better, sooth it in a nurturing way. I imagine little hands with silken fingers, petting it and tickling it most lovingly. Carressing it and showing it some attention, right down to the cells of it, the molecular structure. I start laughing cause it is so playful and silly. I assume I do it in jest, but I see in all actuality it feels effective...in a good way...in a caring way...how amazing to be able to sooth my own brain by comforting its inner workings.

"Hope is the bridge between success and failure"

this is true and sometimes i do

feel so hopeless

i don't like to but it just happens

you know

sometimes

Well, for one, he was afraid of spiders & killed them indiscrimentally

I stopped a friendship from developing with a person
because I feared acquiring, adopting, the quirks,
or what appeared to be quirks to me, in their personality

As of yet, I have not been defined.
I have not defined myself.
I have trouble distinguishing what is you from

What is me

What is me

?

NOT a spider killer...

Falling in the Spring

Ever notice how it is we always fall in love? We never tread softly in to love, or step lightly in to love. If love is a good thing than why is it described as a fall?

existential existence

i'm in my perch my loft doing some stretches and such
i look across the room and see my fossilized trilobite
sitting there
like fossils do
it is an extraordinary thing this fossil
it is more than likely 50 billion years old
that really should be an awe inspiring fact
but some how it isn't i just accept it
like 50 billion years ago is no big deal

Stream of Consciousness Writing

Okay, here is something all weird and funky you might wanna hear. Once I went to the movies with my bro Wilhelm. It was a Tuesday matinee for a Star Trek movie. No one was there, well not many of us. Anyway, you’re walking into the theatre with your popcorn and soda. You scan quickly for a seat. Right in the middle of my seat scanning my eyes come to an immediate halt…. Errrrrrrrrr! Or what ever tire screeching sounds like when sliding. What was it that drew my attention so hard and sharply? Tune in next week and ‘Ill tell you all about it… No really, right there in the middle of the theater sat a patron and this patron was not your ordinary patron no… no no no this patron was special. Not only was he sitting there alone in the middle of the theatre, with a big, shaven head, he was sitting there with red sequined DEVIL HORNS crowning is shinny dome! Me and Wil immediately see this and we both look at each other like dumb and dumber holding back our laughter, to the kind of tune you make when your about to pop. We totally wanted to crack up. I think I will leave here and come back as another person. I see this page is just loaded with red marks like a Polluck painting. Condescending little red marks all over the place; as if word perfect is my Nazi schoolmarm and each and every mistake I make is caught immediately and hauled off and stamped with with a scarlet letter. So anyway I will ignore that… oh damn it has been seven minutes. I think I will go past the 10 minutes. I really want to as this is so fun… it really is, which brings me to the not so fun, referring to this morning. I wake and I see that it is the day light hour the first thing that pops in my head was something from a dream, and it said fruits, vegetables and intellectuals. I’m like hey that sounds pretty clever, I need to write that down. So I thought about writing it down and then I said to my self, in a minute in a minute…it needs to soak a little in the sink… mm hmm, like I am just resting my eyes… Again, I think to myself, hey I need to write that down and 2 hours later I have. It has been 10 minutes. Now I will save this again, “Control Ess” is the keyboard shortcut. Keyboard shortcuts are very helpful and useful for me. Okay, you wanna hear something funny? The whole time I have been typing this, I myself have been brazenly sporting horns, red sequined devil horns. The End.

thinking and thinking

I am trying to identify all the ways in which my issues have woven their way into my levels of consciousness… if the subconscious is unaware of the consciousness, what might my consciousness be unawares?

Checking each other out bouncing ideas off one another all the while I get brighter and brighter blue-prints

The cat has got my tongue my telephones tongue too

My other

Cat has the rest of us asimmer in witches brew

It is kind of like being in a state

that is of great enjoyment euphoric in a big stick, summer day kind of way

One that you do not want interupt anytime soon

lesson of the day...

S t e e l
Y o u r
S e l f

The 13 Moon Calendar

It occurred to me that perhaps the entirety of my psychological unrest, rests on the fact that I have bought into the idea of the Gregorian Calendar. I've bought it lock, stock and barrel...hook line and stinker. I have a receipt for the whole nine yards of it.

I am very avail to set my self up to start using an alternative. The 13 Moon Calendar of days and times, places and people yon past seems much more conducive to me.

I think it is worth a try. I mean I would try anything to gain some perspective on this madness.

Time has NEVER made sense to me.

It really could be my problem.

The very crux of it all...

Learning what anxious is...

For a full day after my last psychotherapy visit, I was very anxious and upset. Tyler and I talked about Dror and that stirred up the huge cauldron of emotions that I have tied to him. I have come away from that therapy/client relationship with my Dear Dr Dror with many unresolved expressions, feelings, emotions, etc.etc... Time has been good to me as far as distancing the heartbreak of our parting. But to stir it up, investigate it, study it like we did, brought so much of it back to me. It has been a year more or less that I became aware, on heavy levels that I was soon to be without him. The particular placement of the planet at this time of year does something to stir up my feeling towards him too I see. the particular placement of the planet this time of year...that effect is very worthy of reflection. Places on Earthly planes of perspective are recollective of instances gone by, so it only serves to reason that the orbit of the earth, the specific places in its oblique circle, stir up memories and images much the same way...aaah Dror...I reflect upon you so much, you have to be a satellite of mine...